I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
