Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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