I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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