time to smoke my breakfast
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
