Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
