Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
