Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
