Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
