He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
