Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
