Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
