My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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