I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
