Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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