Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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