I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize