I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
