i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
