the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
