I heard we made out
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
