so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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