do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
