She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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