Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
