9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
