ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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