I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
