I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
