Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
