Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
