I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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