How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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