i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
