drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
