Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
