i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
