Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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