this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
