youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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