Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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