what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
