Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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