Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
