Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
