just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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