I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im holly from the hills drunk
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
