seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
