that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
