Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
