yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
