This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
