Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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