I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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