I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
