I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
