i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
false alarm, still single
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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