the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
