Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize