Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
this hospital has no fireball
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
