I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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