She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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