I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
