actually, I'm a sock model
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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