Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
