You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
40s are totally the cure
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
