I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
