I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
