Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
