I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Your cock deserves a montage
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
