If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
