Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
