So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
